(Real)

     I am fully aware and in this moment. But is it real? I remember the colors in your eyes, each speck and fleck of life, each thought that pauses and decides not to emerge and be seen. But I see everything, each piece of pain; it matters much, it's real and not pretend. I am in this present, in the light of every thought and dream and every step of this damned journey. Suddenly I remember every tear and each drop of sadness. If you opened up my eyes, I would be blinded by that light, that light I've seen through pine trees, softly dousing the morning in amber, bouncing off of green waves, the light at sunset and dawn. But sometimes it's far above me, and I swim beneath, moving in slow motion towards the hazy gold. I can't breathe yet and my lungs are burning and I'm not sure if I've ever breathed before.